Brandon's Filthy Filosophies

on Life, Love and the Inevitable...

Santa Claus is not real. 

We can all stop berating him for the unkempt beard and his shriveled little [Kris] Kringle. However, his lack of existence is no excuse for why I never got the one toy I always wanted: a Batmobile Power Wheel. 

While Santa could be blamed for a lot of things I want and can’t have, I can’t really complain. But I’m going to anyway. Constantly surrounded by media and other whiny Americans, we are accustomed to wanting things we cannot have. Sometimes it’s because someone else already has them. Sometimes it’s because we’re blind to want vs. need.

 Still other times the desire is there and capability is not .Maybe it’s the woman who taunts you with another man. Maybe it’s the car you can’t afford. Or a wish to change the past. Maybe you want your money back for the bad boob job—hey, I’m not judging that deflated, cockeyed art project you wear under your shirt. Humans are for some reason conditioned to keep up with the Jones’ or to want the next best thing. Below are some recent observations of wants; some will likely never be achieved, some might take some persistence:

- Human near-light speed space travel (I mean come on, not yet, people. Plus, with the way Americans eat, I don’t think a bunch of Jabbas the Hut can actually reach light speed)

- A girl in the “9” to “10” range (…from a guy that’s probably not more than a “5” or “6”)
- World peace (Really?! Let’s shoot for tolerance first)

- A continued military careers when you’re fat, can’t run and can’t perform basic duties and your uniform is mistaken for a body paint costume in all its sausage-squeezing glory

- Sex (see sausage people above)

- A tan (Yeah, piss off, I’ve been in paradise for 2.5 years and still can’t get dark!)

- Million bucks

- The “American Dream”

What’s the key? Has not getting what you want actually affected your desire for that thing? I dare say my desires rarely change when I don’t get my way. Nothing can get in the way of my American Dream. And I still want a goddamn Power Wheel. My kids will have a Power Wheel for each day of the week. 



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